Holistic Peer Counseling System

Steven’s couching, as I go through the process of shadow work, provides such a safe and unjudging space that I can allow myself to see shadow material that would otherwise be unbearable. These days each session reveals something of even greater affront to my beliefs, than the previous. Yesterday I discovered my desire to make the world submit to me. Until that harrowing moment, my compensatory efforts made it impossible for me to access my inner power, for fear that I was, in actuality trying to overpower others. Forcing others to submit to me is anathema to the beliefs I hold most dear. And, yet, there it is. My desire, clear and undiluted.

Yesterday it was difficult. It was hard to breathe. Hard not to judge myself. I felt such pain, even self-loathing for a moment. Steven was there to hold space for me while I let myself be in the impact. Today I experience that I have choice. I no longer have to resist the impulse. It can be what it is and not be what it is not. I allow it to live and I can choose how to be in the world. This discovery has been very painful and inspiring. I still feel nauseous at the thought of this dark impulse.  And I am already excited by the possibility of having access to, not “power over,” but, simply,  personal power that requires no apologies. I want to quote Steven here. He said

“We can use the power of being dominant,
not as a way to control, but as a way to contribute.”

It is wonderful and soothing to know that all is well. That it’s perfectly alright to feel nauseous, to be intimidated by this latest discovery, to fear my shadow for the moment. Shadow work never tames the shadow. It only restores the experience of completeness.

I am so deeply greateful for Steven. He is a blessing.